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Cherry 2015 – If Loving A Fembot Is Artificial, I Don’t Want To Be Genuine

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One of the most prescient dystopian science fiction films of the 1980′s turned out to be the (direct to video?) 1987 movie, “Cherry 2000.”

The future depicted in Cherry 2000 is one where sexual encounters and relationships with real women have become complicated legal transactions requiring lawyers, and have been reduced to merely emotionless business arrangements. The women are typically aggressive, masculine, demanding and shrill. It leads to an environment where the rare romantic guy, who still longs for a traditional loving relationship, would actually find a courtship with a female android more emotionally fulfilling than one with a real live organic woman. It’s sort of a more sympathetic, less horrific spin on “The Stepford Wives” theme. In Stepford, the men killed their loving yet sassy wives in exchange for robot sex slaves who would do the dishes and clean the house without giving them any grief. They were portrayed unmistakably as as evil pricks. In contrast, the physically human women are the ones who display the robotic behavior in Cherry 2000, while the romantic men are forced to seek out the loving emulation of androids for any “meaningful” companionship. Of course the film sells out in the end, as the main character who sacrifices everything in a dangerous quest to replace his beloved, short circuited fembot(Cherry, played by Pamela Gidley) with the identical discontinued model, ultimately falls for the crass and bitchy, tomboyish tracker, “Edith”(Melanie Griffith) whom he’s hired to help locate the robot.

With the advent of “yes means yes” laws it doesn’t seem like it will be long before men will be required to get some type of verbally recorded or written consent to engage in sexual activity with a seemingly “turned on” girl, to shield themselves from litigation or criminal prosecution if she turns on them later. As if getting a girl pregnant or contracting an STD wasn’t enough to worry about, now we have bigger fish to fry. Indeed, there is already a phone app for sexual consent, called Good2Go.

cherry2000

Recent developments over the past two decades have lead me to conclude we’re headed towards Cherry 2000 style dating in America. Indeed, I’ve started to notice that the crudely annoying spambots on Tinder and Okcupid have been getting more sophisticated in their programming to the point where interacting with them can be more romantically stimulating than talking to actual chicks(which, if you’ve ever had an unfortunate exchange with one of these Tinderbots you would realize is more of a knock on the sorry state of the 21st century female conversational experience than it is one marveling in wonder at the advancements in artificial intelligence spam.)

Then there are video game characters. Back in a particularly isolated time period of my life in 2001 and 2002, when all I did was drink diet pepsi, eat microwave popcorn and play old Super Nintendo RPGs in my studio apartment, I would occasionally develop what I guess you could call “crushes” on some of the female sprites in the games(such as Rydia from Final Fantasy IV, Marle and Schala from Chrono Trigger, Paula from Earthbound, etc.) even to where I began to curiously research the technological possibilities of transferring human consciousness to a computer. I was thinking of course that if i could somehow hack a sprite that resembled me into the game’s ROM, that it might be possible to get something going. Yeah, it’s crazy but so what? Realized dreams are the work of madmen. I also saw Tron in the theater when I was a kid so perhaps it left a subconscious impression on me.

In any case, if that kind of emotion was possible to evoke in the days of 16 bit SNES pixelation, I can only imagine how real a romance could be in the context of modern video games which are now much more advanced in their elaborate overworlds, roleplays and simulations. Thousands if not millions of men and women find the virtual experience of video games more appealing than going outside and playing. It would be naive to think that organic human love would be any less vulnerable to competition from artificial intelligence than other components of our earthly existence.

Dust off your 1980′s JC Penney catalog and get your fembots on order, men! This scene is coming to a nightclub or campus near you.


Brandon Adamson is the author of “Beatnik Fascism

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Your MKII Finishing Move Would Be a “Babe-ality”

Sometimes there’s no quicker way to irritate an uptight female then to refer to her as a babe.
Innocently uttering the phrase “Hey babe” will quickly get you into hot water with any girl who doesn’t have her irony detector on. On the defensive, they usually respond with something like “I’m not your babe.” But it’s like, I never said you were “my babe,” just that you were “a babe.” There’s a difference. Of course she could argue that just by using the word babe you are claiming some kind of possession over her merely through asserting the right to use the term(or any term) to describe her. However, this exchange tells you a lot about a person’s mindset. They have potentially poor comprehension skills. They are confrontational. They assume you have the worst intentions. They are insecure about the possibility of not being taken seriously. They want to look like a babe, but they would rather you personally not think of them that way or at the very least would prefer you use some modern euphemism like “stunning” instead.

One time I called a girl a babe on OKC in a message that was like “hey babe, are you down to get a smoothie sometime?” She told me she wasn’t interested, and so I was like “fair enough babe.” Then she just wrote back with “*Shannon” as if to signify her disapproval of my using the term. My final response was to say something like “Oh sorry, Shannon. You have pretty feet by the way.” I tried to picture the grossed out look she would have on her face as she signed off, as I had to squeeze in one more creepy affectation. Call a girl a babe and get a bitter response. She’s not interested in you and thinks you have leprosy/or she is an embittered feminist. Either way it’s better to find out sooner rather than later. Use the word. Bring the romance.

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