Tag Archives: v the original miniseries

Forms Of Childhood Trauma That Only Imaginative 80′s Kids Could Appreciate

larams

I generally hate “listicles” as I associate them with millennials, but I was feeling nostalgic and reflecting on some repressed childhood memories… so here are some common frustrations experienced by children of that fantastic decade, the 1980′s:

- Taping the Super Bowl on Betamax only to discover after the game that it didn’t record because the VCR was set to the wrong channel.

betamax

- Getting really far in a Nintendo game, but when you try to continue you can’t get the passcode you wrote down to work because you can’t tell the difference between 0 and O and Q on the pixelated screen.

kid-icarus-password-screen

- Getting in big trouble in school for acting out “Karate Kid” moves at recess.

karatekid

- Trying to find the last few Garbage Pail Kid cards you need on the checklist when all the stores have already started carrying the next series.

whyfightit

- When one of the sides of your M.U.S.C.L.E. Hard Rockin’ Knockin’ wrestling ring breaks.

Ring12

- Your parents yelling at you through the home intercom system

intercom

- After seeing films like “Red Dawn,” “Wargames,” and “Nostradamus: The Man Who Saw Tomorrow,” the feeling that nuclear war between the US and The Soviet Union was inevitable and only a few years away.

- You get in trouble for repeatedly making a pay phone call itself.

- One of the first female TV characters you’re sexually attracted to turns out to be an alien lizard.

JaneBadlerLizardQueen

- Agonizing over the stuff you want from the toy section of the new Sears catalog

Sears85Robot

- The lever on your viewmaster gets busted.

viewmaster

- You turn on the TV and find out your favorite Saturday morning cartoon has been canceled

monchichis

- Your mother won’t take you to Hardee’s so you can get a California Raisins figurine with your meal.

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- When you push play on your walkman and find out the volume is set to “insanely loud.”

- One of your favorite read-along records breaks or goes missing from its case.

black-hole-read-along
(technically this one came out in 1979, but seriously EVERY kid from 1980-1985 had a copy of this or “The Hobbit” or “The Empire Strikes Back.”)

- Getting made fun of for greasing your hair after seeing “The Outsiders” and thus actually becoming an outsider yourself.

Outsiders, The (1982)

- You guessed wrong in the “Where’s The Cap’n” $1,000,000 Cap’n Crunch Sweepstakes

- Having your brand new shiny, Husky 683 destroyed by a tomahawk chop from a carpenter pencil in an epic game of popping pencils.

husky-pencils

- Your mom yells at you when you come home with grass stains all over your clothes after playing “Smear The Queer” at recess.

- A member of your party getting dysentery in “The Oregon Trail.”

oregon-trail-dysentery_5

- Being terrified that your creepy talking Pee Wee Herman doll will say something in the middle of the night by itself.

- Being punched by all your friends at a sleepover for not saying “safety” or putting your thumb on your forehead fast enough after you farted.

- One of the buttons stops working on your video game watch

Nelsonic-PacManButtons

- The Los Angeles Rams trading Eric Dickerson to the Colts.

ericdickerson


Brandon Adamson is the author of “Beatnik Fascism

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Misogynists For Newt

Here is a letter I wrote to John Derbyshire which appeared in the Corner at National Review
http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/289148/misogynists-newt-john-derbyshire

Derb,

I have to admit, part of me just can’t help but like Newt. In most ways he’s a paleo’s nightmare candidate. His guest worker program, free trade advocacy (wasn’t he one of the chief architects of that genius NAFTA scheme? how’d that work out?), and interventionist foreign policy, are all disastrous for the country. I doubt anybody cares about the lobbyist stuff. So what’s to like really?

Well, Gingich’s imaginative space exploration ideas are far advanced over anything anyone else could offer. Indeed, the other candidates (save Ron Paul) seem to have zero imagination on this or any other issue.

I also think you hit on something in last week’s Radio Derb episode when you said that Newt has won the “bitter ex-husband” constituency. So the sanctimonious “marriage is sacred” crowd thinks Newt’s affairs are unacceptable. You have to wonder what world these people live in where they have never been in a relationship with a pain-in-the-butt female. Lots of things can happen after you commit to someone. They let themselves go, get fat, etc. These broads can drain you emotionally and physically with their endless demands and grievances. People change over time, and divorce is a messy business, especially when there’s money involved. Affairs are biologically natural, when one is separated from their mate for a significant period of time. They are even more natural for the male, whose biological goal in most respects is to impregnate as many females as possible, no? Anyway, if it weren’t for Newt’s dreadful neocon policies, he would have this misogynist’s vote hands down.

One other reason I’m inclined to root for Newt is that he just makes for such a great villain. His narcissism, grandiosity and megalomania have all the makings of a bombastic antagonist, perhaps in the mold of someone like Drax from Moonraker. Even his name, “Newt” lends itself to this narrative (a salamander?) I could easily see him as one of the Alien leaders from V — the original miniseries (1983 version, not the crappy remake.)

There you have it: if you’re into sci-fi and misogyny, and think narcissism is underrated, you’ve gotta go with Gingrich.

Sincerely,
Brandon Adamson

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